Dear Reader,
I know that babies can't
talk, but I really really wish they could. Work was awful today and I'm
seriously starting to question whether my future family will have any children
in it. Okay that was a joke...sort of. I think I still want children, but if
there was any day to realize just how far into the distant future that I wanted
to have those children, it was today.
There was crying. There
was screaming. There was poop. And that was only the first 10 minutes of being
there. After four hours I was about ready to jump out of a window. I like kids,
I really do. I wouldn’t be a camp counselor every year if I didn’t, but I don’t
like feeling helpless. That’s how I felt with those kids today: helpless,
confused and completely out of my comfort zone. Many of today’s problems
could’ve been fixed if the kids could’ve just told me what their problem was,
but they’re babies so it’s not in their capabilities to do so. Therefore, Kit
and I were left surrounded by tears, screams, and frustrations (some of which
were our own). If anything I felt useless. These kids were crying, begging for
help or some sort of attention and there was really nothing I could do. Kit and
I were two people among 20 crying babies, 20 crying babies that all wanted to
be held and cared for. I left the shelter today feeling useless, exhausted, and
stretched way too thin.
In hindsight, it's
sad to think that these kids are so desperate to be held and dealt with
affection that they cry, beg and literally cling on to you in order to keep
your attention. However, at the same time it's hard to blame the young mothers
who work so hard to get through schooling in order to create a better life for
themselves and their children. It’s not a preferential situation from either
side. These kids to some degree feel abandoned by their mothers who they only
see maybe once or twice a day (usually only for a bath and feeding, nothing
else) and thus cling on to us volunteers and workers to supplement what they
feel is missing from their parents, so much so that today one of the kids
called me mom simply because I was there. While as volunteers Kit and I try to
do the best we can, we can never replace their mothers.
It seems easy to
blame the mothers for their mistakes, but they are all very young. In fact most
of the mothers are younger than me, yet they are taking care of their children
and taking classes. They are all very brave and empowering women seeking to
find a better way out of a bad situation. Even though their better way has some
negative repercussions for their children, in the long run it is what will
improve their lives. I'm proud of these women for their accomplishments and
they continue to astound me with their strength and resilience. At their age,
I'm not sure I could've done what they're doing. It's really inspiring.
When Kit and I got
home we eat what was essentially a Guatemalan quesadilla. It was as always very
delicious and a great way to offset the morning we’d had. After lunch Kit and I
took refuge in our room where I finished my Spanish homework and Kit did work
on her computer. I briefly studied what I’d learned the day before: greetings,
days of the week, months of the year, parts of the day, colors, fruits and the
verbs Gustar (to like) and Necesitar (to need). At 2:15, we took off to go to
our Spanish lesson.
I still think Spanish
lessons are my favorite part of the day. My Spanish teacher is really funny and
I’m learning a lot of material. I’d like to think that I could continue Spanish
after I leave Guatemala and eventually become fluent. I’ve always enjoyed
language and the idea of being tri-lingual is really appealing to me. Today I
learned 5 very important verbs: Estar (to be), Ser (to be), Querer (to want),
Tener (to have) and Haber (there is). Together these verbs (if conjugated
correctly) can frame a conversation. Basically, today Jaime taught me the key
to having somewhat of a real conversation with someone in Spanish. I’ll admit
these are some complicated verbs though. Knowing the difference between using
Estar and Ser was by far the most challenging part of today’s lessons and I’m
still struggling to use each verb correctly.
I also learned
opposites today in addition to lots of random vocabulary. Jaime had flash cards
with opposites on them and each opposite had a picture depicting the meaning of
the word. After we went through all the cards, Jaime then proceeded to make a
game out of asking me what was in each picture. That was easier said then done.
It’s not easy to tell what objects are in a picture when your Spanish
vocabulary amounts to almost none. Thus the game started off with Jaime
pointing to an object in the photo and me sarcastically saying either the
object’s color (I’m really good with colors) or saying the English word for the
object and adding the sound oh or ah to the ending. It actually worked for some
because apparently plant in Spanish is la planta, but that didn’t prevent Jaime
from calling me an inventor of words. Unfortunately words like el cloudo, la
grassa and el flooro don’t exist. Thus at the end of the lesson I had four full
sheets of paper of vocabulary (those were some super in depth illustrations)
and a ton of homework to do, all of which I will relegate to tomorrow, because
I am exhausted.
Even though today
has had its ups and downs, I still find myself everyday feeling more grateful
for my experience and having the opportunity to come here. I can’t wait to see
what tomorrow brings, because whatever it is I’m sure it’ll be amazing.
Sincerely,
Journey
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